I believe you found your way to this article because deep down, you want to love yourself, love your life and gift this world something only you can give. If 20+ years as a therapist, healer and coach have taught me anything, it’s this: to be transformative, you have to be yourself. The most potent medicine you’re here to give is who you are.
I’m going to show you how to begin retrieving your wholeness for true self-love that will reveal everything you need to know to live a life YOU love.
Searching for answers to how to live, be happy, find fulfillment and be loved is often done by watching how others live their lives. We’ve all done it at some point (holding my own hands up over here)!
When we’re children, this makes sense to an extent. We look to our caregivers to show us how to collaborate and find harmony in the world. But we often get more advice than is necessary, and it comes at a great cost.
Then we grow up, still trying to obey advice and rules that just don’t feel right and the confused search continues.
Dear one, you can’t find out who you truly are in a textbook, oracle card or self-help book.
These can be wonderful breadcrumbs, but the journey ultimately leads you to your soul where you must take stock of which parts of yourself, your soul, you’ve kicked to the curb… and then call them back home.
Most of us live in a culture that maintains a very narrow narrative of what it means to be yourself. Think about all of the narratives you were fed since childhood.
This binary, right/wrong, yes/no narrative of the dominant culture tells us we have only one self to be, which is just not true. We are each a complex diversity of fixed and mutable characteristics.
All aspects of yourself long to be expressed in their fullness, and all should be welcome. Because all are you!
But to expand the narrative and welcome all aspects of yourself is to also welcome in the taboos around some of your traits, such as liking to wear fur in the summertime or bright colors at the office.
Or curling up with a book at 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday night or hopping around karaoke clubs and beer gardens until 2:00 a.m.
Or growing your hair to your knees or shaving your head.
Or on a more pervasive level, being transgender or a person of color.
These personal expressions, things you can change and things you’re born as, are often met with criticism or even shame. If they don’t fit the mold, they are marked as “wrong” and poked until they deflate.
The whole idea of fitting into a mold is simply against humanity’s nature, against the fundamental truth about our world that gets lost in the noise…
Humanity is an ecosystem.
Look at the ecosystem of the Amazon. Or of any slice of nature near you. The diversity of the ecosystem is precisely what maintains it.
When the wolves were removed from Yellowstone in the US, the entire physical landscape changed in ways that began killing off many essential species of flora and fauna. When the wolves were returned, the millions of acres returned to its self-sustaining, gorgeous flourishing. Removing just one species of thousands was enough to ruin the entire ecosystem.
We need different kinds of people. It’s why we have different kinds of people. We need empaths and highly sensitives, leaders and innovators, nurturers and deep thinkers.
Everyone plays a key part.
It might be clear to you how you’re not living in authentic alignment, but in case this concept feels a bit cloudy…
This is what it looks and feels like when you’re dissociated:
Dissociation is disconnection. It’s living with only fragments of who you really are.
I’ve found in my clients that the things they loved most about themselves were the exact things they felt forced to reject or tuck away.
They mourned this. Life simply wasn’t as fulfilling, joyous, meaningful or gifted without those parts of themselves.
When we reject those parts of ourselves, we become dissociated. Those parts split off, push back into the unconscious and get locked away. Our flame dims. Our power weakens. And we feel lost. Too many question marks punctuate our day to day.
This is why full-self embodiment matters:
- It births a different type of self-love, one deeply known and embodied. A stronger sense of self-love that is much harder to have taken away from you.
- You become so nourished. You’re refilled with inner peace, confidence, meaning and aligned purpose.
- You know who you are. Once you welcome, accept and love every single part of your inner diversity, those immutable and mutable parts, you unlock the exact wisdom and skills you need to love your life and help others love theirs.
- We are all here to first be the safe space for things to unfold within ourselves. We are cultivators of ourselves, and from this place, we are cultivators of a better world.
People who are first able to hold sacred space for their whole selves become potent sacred space holders, conduits for rippling impact.
You can feel this the moment you reintegrate a part of yourself. When all of your elements are allowed, honoured, welcomed and expressed in an appreciated wholeness, you generate an alchemizing power.
This power is a transmission of your unique medicine, energy and gifts into the world. You become incredibly impactful.
Reclaim your wholeness, and not only will you gain clarity on your purpose, but you will find that you’re perfectly equipped with the exact gifts and personal genius needed to make an impact and live fulfilled from an unbreakable place of true self-love.
Try this dreaming exercise to begin reintegrating your wholeness:
- Take a moment to think of something you loved about yourself, maybe even as a child, before someone made it wrong, judged or shamed you for it. Remember that part, what you loved about it, it’s nature. Send out a heart call to that part of you. Trust that the part you are calling to in this moment is worthy of your attention and protection.
- Make a safe space for this part of you. What if you made a little inner cave, full of big, beautiful cushions, warm lighting and a welcoming energy? This is the space of your heart.
- Invite this part to come meet you. What if this part of yourself that you had to reject long ago came to the cave’s edge and peeked in? Could you reassure it that it is safe in this loving cave inside you? That you are ready to reconnect?
- Take a moment to send love to this part of you, bless it, soothe it or quietly be with it. Let it find safety with you again.
- Invite it inside of the cave, or even just let it rest outside the cave door. Be together in some way and let yourself start to know this part again. Notice its attitude, its style, its gifts or unique way of seeing things or feeling. This is a very important part of you. She is full of treasures to be revealed, gifts that were forgotten but you now need as you move forward in your life.
- Recognize it as a part of you, and thank it for being there, for whatever it’s been doing to serve you, even if from the distant background. Then, ask if it wants to say or show you anything. This willingness to know it opens a dialogue for healing and wholeness to begin.
- Enjoy starting to reconnect to this part again. Invite it more fully into your heart, welcome its gifts, its knowing, its soul beauty. Make a commitment to continue to get to know it. You can take it on a walk, journal with it, sing with it, dance with it and allow it to unfurl again. Allow soul fusion to begin.
You are not here to be anyone else. Everything that makes you who you are is the exact combination that will help our world elevate and expand.
Loving yourself and being transformative are two sides of the same coin. They both require you to become the sacred space holder for all that is within yourself so you can reclaim your wholeness and offer your unique gifts from an unbreakable place of personal genius.
So, which part of yourself are you going to welcome back first?
P.S. What do you think about all of this? What resonates in your heart? I love reading about your journeys and learning how else I can support you, so please feel free to leave me a comment below.