I am going on a sabbatical, it is time for some things to die. Seriously die – like with a sudden chop – in order for the next growth to arise!
I feel the withdrawing of roots, the falling of leaves. The creating of compost.
Signals of our “dying time” appear in all sorts of ways in our life. They come through:
- night-time dreams
- that small, quiet inner voice
- knowing and intuition
- signs in your environment
- suggestions from others
- things suddenly or gradually stop working
- illness and fatigue
- you find yourself at crossroads and or in often inescapable circumstances
- and so much more…
We often avoid these signals, postpone, keep trying something, ignore burnout inklings, push on, work harder, love more intensely, cling and hang on. Or wonder endlessly – surely it cannot be a wintering time? Sound familiar?
These “holding on” strategies are sometimes necessary to confirm that death is imminent, other times they crush what life remains in something until you have no choice to stop. Or let go. Or your body says no and collapses.
For me, signs have been showing up in night-time dreams and visions, signals of some swift endings I need to make and a call to create space to make clarity for them. Something new – unfurling creative offerings, evolving ways of approaching things, bright new insights are seeking to forge forward, and much more. Both for me and for the world. They need me to make space for them.
To be honest, lately, I hang out in my dreams with death a lot. Death whom, since awakening, I have no fear of. Death has become a friend and guide. An ally alongside me. I also dream about all kinds of brilliant success, as a balancer.
In one dream I dream of death in three different ways, and finally, I dream I am calmly, patiently digging up bodies of people that have already died. My dreaming is telling me things are completing, pay attention. Some things are already finished.
Then, suddenly, a core driving internal soul force in my life disappeared, one that has been there since birth. Vanished. How is that possible?
At first, I felt strange – where did it go? Then began grieving for a radiant, vibrant inner power that had carried me through every challenge and horror in my life, always emerging triumphant. I didn’t know something so central could leave or complete. That is a learning.
In its absence something felt missing, tears streamed down my face. I whispered to my spirit team that something felt broken, they whispered back “you are not broken” and I knew this to be true.
So I started making space within me, in the chest realm and aura where the familiar superpower had lived, waiting for what new resources wanted to arrive. What new gift was immanent…? What was emergent to fill that space?
Because one thing I know for sure in this awakening game – when one energy completes something more beautiful, powerful and aligned arises. There is never a vacuum. We are always unfurling into more and more consciousness.
So here in this space, in the wintering of this time, the next sacred task is to be midwife to the new wonder and its inevitable wonder child.
I am curious what it might be, what will replace my old friend, my big, enervating and insurmountable power. A power that served me, and perhaps you too, so well.
The inner nest feels soft and ready, glittered with diamond tears for my old friend who needed grieving, required ritual and thanking and honouring. I would not be here today, alive and love-filled without it. I certainly would not have survived. Perhaps it is time for vastness beyond her now.
I feel the seeds of the new life coming. Its emanation arriving before it’s physical presence. It’s on it’s sacred way. As soon as I realised and made space it began it’s travel here. Instantly.
In this rebirthing phase I need to rest more, wait, listen acutely, and be patient. The inner nest is ready, the spirit is patient and my task is to follow the signals accurately until what is called forth is born. Then to gazein wonder and nurture her sweetly.
This is the art of sacred surrender and spiritual renewal. It is a heroic journey we are all called to. And in awakening it can be sprung upon us in any moment.
It is a cycle that never ends, in one way or another. So it is best to befriend it. This withering, dying, wintering and renewal. She has made her mark on me many times over.
I am quietly excited in my emptied-out state, for what is seeking to shine through me next. I sense it will be more expansive, more intrinsically who I am to be in the next phase of this journey and more radiant in its own way.
I look forward to sharing it, and shining from it, when it arrives and is ready. I will whistle to you! And send an email.
So for now, my friends, a little mini-sabbatical calls.
PS – For those who are curious, since writing this for you, the new life is already birthing and it is so beautiful…it is softly more powerful, grounded and open. Baby steps!
PPS – And for those who are wondering – I am still joyously teaching, seeing clients and holding space, but my outward expressions and communications to the world will slow down, perhaps my social shares too and here on this blog and in my newsletter things will winter a while.