Early on in my life I probably had no idea how to receive. Some essential things were given to me, but others weren’t.
I learned to work hard for things and to strive. Being from a working-class background, raised by a single mother, if I had anything I learned early on that I had to work hard for it– I had to earn it. I was not good at receiving.
I had to be self-reliant starting at four years of age, separated from my family for a time and living as an only child with my grandparents. In many ways, I felt like I was on my own, so I learned to rely on being independent because it seemed as though the way forward was to show the universe I really meant business, so if life was going to flow for me, it was up to me to do the work. I look back on that little girl with so much kindness but also realise it was a heavy weight for a child.
This created the mindset, as I matured, of no expectation that people, systems, or life would give to me. Life for me at that time was about showing up for others and learning to be the giver, this gave me a sense of control in increasingly wobbly circumstances. The one thing I did know was that I was intelligent and talented and if I applied myself in that way then I could see through to being successful. I would keep on hitting edges though, around the confidence needed to be successful, not knowing how to receive my successes, or how to choose success as a path.
In my mid 30’s, I hit a cascade of circumstances which put me in the position where I had no choice but to find a way to receive from others, and I can tell you, it was not easy!
The real story starts with having only one week’s notice to unexpectedly move out of a house that I had been living in. I had a very small window of time in which to move out as the owner was needing to make urgent changes. In addition, in that same week, I had a random injury where a hug from a dear friend led to my sacrum popping out! I was in agony, I could barely walk, let alone sit down, let alone move furniture, and boxes, or drive a moving truck. Things seemed to be conspiring together to puncture my bubble of complete independence.
At the same time, I was going through Kundalini Awakening, which left me extremely vulnerable and I had taken time off work, so my savings and income were minimal. I’m sure most people can relate to the vicious cycle of money equaling security.
Where was I to go? Where would I move things?
My best friend told me, “Myree you have to ask for help” a concept entirely foreign to me. She said, “Myree, people will want to help you” again an idea entirely unknown to me. The whole situation brought me to a huge edge.
On this edge, I cried, I was terrified. I freaked out. I was shaky and unable to imagine anyone wanting to come to my aid in such a terrible situation. The owner was aggressive and pushed me to leave. It was illegal to do what he was doing, but by then I wanted to go!
I had no idea how to ask.
I had no idea how to receive.
I was ashamed to find myself in a situation where I was dependent, and needed to ask others for help and support.
The only choice was to get the phone and begin calling people in my life, to ask if they could help. My best friend also called around, and suddenly this loving group of friends showed up, happy and excited to offer their time and energy! It was so strange.
They showed up on that Sunday and brought a truck, happy and laughing as they packed things up with so much joy. Someone offered a shed for me to store my things in. Someone offered me a place to stay, rent-free till I could heal my back.
A couple of months later, that same group organized to help move everything to my new mountain cottage, they cleaned the windows, and the floors, and helped me set up the new space. I had no idea that people could have so much delight supporting me in this way.
It changed me deeply to experience that I was a joy to give to! That it was not only satisfying for others to see me this way but it was a channel for them to express their love.
After that, something in me changed. To be incapacitated and have to receive changed me. Life would soon send me more circumstances where I would need more help, unbeknownst to me was a genetic illness in my system that would soon raise its head. Life had to put me on my knees to force me to learn to receive. It has been one of the most important lessons I have had in life, and one I am extremely grateful for.
When I became ill, people turned up for me. They fed my dog, drove me to the doctor, and cleaned my house. You know that people love you when they do such mundane tasks for you. Learning to receive in such circumstances taught me to say “yes!” to the universe, to life, and to those who loved and supported me. I recognized that I cannot succeed in life in any way unless I say “Yes!”. I have also learned from this that one of the most beautiful things I can do is say “yes” to others. I have learned that I cannot flourish, enjoy and succeed unless I am Yes!
This willingness to be a Yes, to receive through life, has brought extraordinary gifts, opportunities, connections, and abundance to me in multiple ways. It has allowed me to go over larger and larger edges and receive kindness, relationships, and opportunities to share my magic.
None of it would be possible if I did not have that core, central and vital YES! So the hardest thing I’ve ever had to receive was the lesson that I was worth giving.
If you have your own edges to receiving, you would love to deepen your ability to allow more goodness in with ease, or long to dive into an embodied experience of real satisfaction, please join me in my upcoming, no-strings-attached, free community masterclass, “The Art Of Receiving”.
This is my last free community class for 2022 and I look forward to seeing you there.