I want to write something that is positioned as oppositional to the collective ideology, expectation and ridiculous assertion “that someone’s Awakening experience needs to be perfect”.

I want to offer a gentle rebuke to the popular hue and cry that emerges if it isn’t, of “Let’s take them down, strip them of their accomplishments. Let’s cancel them!”

So I am going to get ahead of the process even though none of these “perfect” things have happened to me and probably won’t for reasons I am going to reveal below.

My Awakening is not, and probably never will be, so-called ‘perfect’. Yay! 🙌🏻

And I am grateful for that. 

It keeps me humble, present, alert, curious, questioning. It invites me to meet places where subtle levels of purification still happen, where consciousness is cleaning things out, allowing the integration of awakening to expand. It holds me in integrity, to make no false claims.

I love that my Awakening is not perfect because it means there is no end to the adventure and exploration that is possible❗️ It frees me from any temptation to sit on an elevated dais and pontificate about the perfection of my awakening and that being the reason that everyone should follow and learn with me. We are all familiar with that story. 😉

I love humility. I adore the Earth. I relish being bowed. Above all, I love surrender. 🙌🏻

While my Awakening is not perfect, I have to say:

🌸.. that it is very effective

🌸…that it has its own important power and clarity

🌸 it is very useful and offers a Grace

My Awakening has also wrestled with acute trauma and PTSD. It has come through a very sensitive, psychic physical body that at times could barely cope with the intensity caused during the process, because of the amount of light that demanded to come in with my Awakening experience.

At times, I have really struggled in my journey. The fact that I faced so many imperfect obstacles—that I had so much complexity all at once, and that I had no real guide or teacher at the time meant that I had to use all my gifts and skills and Spirit Team to intricately examine every one of those challenges and work them out for myself so that I did not go down with the ship.

…and that kind of tussle ultimately makes me a good servant to those who also have challenging or tangled Awakenings, sensitive systems, psychic development that entangles with spiritual growth, complex trauma processes, and many other nuanced, difficult experiences.

Awakening has been deepening in me for twenty years, eighteen of those years after completion of the active phase of Kundalini. During that time it allows me to drink from its bounty and generosity, causeless joy and freedom. My teaching became deepened and expanded, my offerings grew in diversity and each day. Each year I find that I can meet more of who you are and where you are at. That the inner expansion can encompass more of others’ processes with joy.

Imperfect Awakening has been wildly generative, creative and kind.

One of the most fun parts of my Awakening is how boring it becomes to me! It is beautiful and amazing but there is zero interest in prioritizing it over others, in fact I found that the complete opposite happened.

During the Kundalini phase all of my energy was turned inwards to meet the struggle. These days, since the completion of that active phase, my deepest, wildest and constant curiosity is actually about you! Who you are. What is happening for you? How can your empowerment flourish? Where are your struggles and how can you thrive? This is much more interesting for me than hanging out with some idea of the perfection of my own process. So boring!

And here I am—taking myself down with giggles and laughter! 🤭😂

With Joy and Grace and Kindness. This, in itself, is Freedom.

What about you? Have you ever caught yourself chasing the idea of a perfect Awakening, a perfect spiritual practice, or some imaginary finish line where everything finally falls into place? I’d love to hear what you’ve discovered in the beautifully imperfect business of being human. Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s celebrate a little imperfection together!