The Sacred Art of Not Belonging (Part 1)

I remember wanting so badly to belong when I was younger. It seemed wonderful to be part of the groups at school and college.

Even recently, I recall being in my Master’s Degree program, newly arrived in the USA with such fresh, high dreams of a new life, new community and fitting into the college my soul called me to. And once I arrived I discovered I did not belong… in so many ways.

It took me quite a while to see it wasn’t possible for me to belong in those spaces. I could learn and acquire information and grow, but when I conformed it killed my spirit. I was too wild. Too psychic. And it was painful to pretend I was not also learning through these gifts

Now I know the less I belong, the better it is. Because the truth is I’m not here to belong—I’m here to be a light and lead people out of dark times.

And so are you.

But coming to terms with not belonging can be challenging!

To really get this about myself, I had to fully choose not to conform. It hurt to accept that I couldn’t conform to the rules in the U.S. I had to lick my wounds for a while. And then I let myself simply unfurl even more to who I really am—and that is when things really got fun.

Oh, it is a whole lot less painful not belonging than trying to belong.

I do well at school, but I don’t belong easily in educational systems and structure. I don’t belong where there’s gossip. It doesn’t suit my nature and I have no time for it.  (You can see why “belonging” in the online world can be so hard—many of us just don’t vibrate at those levels.)

Because now, belonging only to myself, I am free from having to look outward for positive reflection and instead can dive into the inner places that speak most to me within me—and get dialed up there.

I live in this place now—and if you have been here, you know it is a very graceful place. It is where life courses to you and through you and into the world. It is flowing. It is clear. And being here is one of the best feelings ever—far better and more important than the fleeting feeling of belonging externally.

Plus, belonging to who you are and why you came here builds resilience. The resilience to keep on growing from your deepest, truest roots out into the world. And if there were ever a time that we are called to be our most resilient, it is now.

Remember, while belonging externally might feel good for a moment, it is temporary and ultimately compromises the intention of why you’re here. That kind of belonging shifts and moves all the time.

But when you know that you truly belong to your own self at such a beautiful depth?

That’s when you know you’ve come home.

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  • Excellent post – sums up so much of what I’ve struggled with over the years. I can identify with almost all of it – but do you really mean that ‘belonging….. builds resistance’? Surely the opposite is true – that not belonging and being true to yourself is what builds resilience? A small point, but I am slightly confused.

    • Oh yes Peter, you are correct. Sorry for that typo. Belonging to one’s self builds immense resilience! Yay! Sending huge love, Myree x

    • Thank you Graham, and sending blessings to you in return.

  • Thank you Myree for showing me that my that self loyalty creates strength in so many ways through me. The integrity and acceptance of all that I am, shows me who and how to be in the world.

    • Oh this is so beautiful! I feel this as you write. Thank you Sean, resonating in the glow of who you are. Big love!

  • Thanks so much for this post Myree, it’s really what I needed to hear. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I’ve never quite fitted in anywhere but feeling like I should, resulting in a seemingly endless external search for peace and fulfilment. It’s only after embarking on a meditation practice during the pandemic that I have started to find the acceptance and belonging that I’ve craved, inside of me. And it was there all along! Hearing about your experience was a lightbulb moment for me that belonging to myself is key to peace and fulfilment.

    • Hi Fiona, I love hearing this. Yes, we long so much for it outside of ourselves and when we find it within it is the most delicious homecoming ever. I am so happy for you and that this practice is leading you home to belonging to yourself. It is a super power.

  • I breathed such a sigh of relief when I read this post. I echo what Fiona said “I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I’ve never quite fitted in anywhere.” In spite of a loving family and a lot of support, I’ve always felt that I didn’t ‘fit.’ Bless you, and thank you for sharing.

    • This is such a touching sharing, thank you. I am really glad this was supportive and relieving, belonging to one’s self first and foremost is the deepest medicine. Big love!

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