There are many forms of identity loss during Kundalini.
It is the nature of the process — the dissolution of the identity and your sense of self. Your reference points of who you are change from a fiercely guarded and constructed identity to an identity that is open, fluid with the central reference point, at its core, as awareness. This is freedom.
While I write about many of the natural forms of identity loss, I would like to focus today on something that can be very confusing during the awakening journey and this is depersonalization.
The Mayo clinic defines depersonalization as occurring “when you always or often feel that you’re seeing yourself from outside your body or you sense that things around you are not real — or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing. You may feel like you’re, “living in a dream”.
The reason I want to share about depersonalization and how it can be the result of a difficult Kundalini process is that people get confused between the natural dissolution of the self that is part of the awakening process, and the more harmful experience of dissociation.
Depersonalization can be a momentary, passing experience. Or, in more difficult situations, can continue or become more consistent making it very hard to function in everyday life.
It is not uncommon for people to come to me with one of the core struggles and complaints in their Kundalini awakening, as the feeling of extreme depersonalization. They describe feeling outside of their bodies, like they are looking down at themselves, feeling disconnected from who they are, from their own thoughts and feelings and the sensations of their body. Sometimes by the time they arrive in a session with me, they may have been experiencing depersonalization for months or even years.
All of them describe how the depersonalization happened after a very strong activation of Kundalini energy. They describe being stuck in their depersonalized state since having a very intense, traumatic, or volatile Kundalini blowout. Since this experience, the person has not been able to return back into their body to re-anchor or ground.
When I look at these people clairvoyantly, I can see that the upward force of the Kundalini, when it was activated was so strong that the surge from the root chakra contained an immense power and force that literally pushed the person’s consciousness out of the top of their head, above their body, and disconnected them. Clairvoyantly, you can see so much of the individuals’ consciousness floating above their head in the upper layers of the aura, or sometimes even beyond the aura because it has been pushed that far out.
With this kind of depersonalization, I can see that it is more an energetic issue than an actual, true, psychological condition of true depersonalization. The person’s consciousness and sense of awareness are stuck and cannot get back into the body to reconnect with who they are.
So, how does this happen?
Here are some real-life examples of people who had very volatile awakenings that pushed them out of their body:
Case #1: a young man who did a two-month silent meditation retreat in Nepal
At some point in this retreat, they had a potent and intense Kundalini awakening that pushed them way out of their body. By the time I met them in Australia, they were dissociated, anxious, depressed, and unable to work.
Case #2: a woman in her early 30s who took a large dose of cocaine combined with other recreational drugs at a music festival
She blew out her Kundalini so intensely that by the time I met her, she had not felt embodied for almost 2 years. I was amazed that she had been able to function for those years because when I met her, her state of being was very fragile.
So, how do I support these people?
The most important thing is to identify what has caused the depersonalization – usually an extensive Kundalini blowout, then look at the current state of the Kundalini and do what I call “blow-out recovery healing processes.” These are a set of healing processes that discharge and settle the Kundalini. They correct all the elements that have impacted the Kundalini so the Kundalini can stabilize and soothe. In a session, this can take a lot of work with my Spirit Team.
Once the Kundalini is calmed, then I work with my Team to bring healing to the consciousness that has been pushed out of the body, cleaning it up energetically if needed. Once it is established that it is safe to do so, I work with my Team on Soul Retrieval, to reclaim the person’s consciousness and reintegrate and reweave it back into their body.
For the person, the feeling of coming back into their body can feel like a miracle. Their consciousness is reintegrating back into the physical form where it is meant to exist, and it is relieving for the physical self to have the consciousness returned. Thoughts feel re-embodied. The person experiences coming back into relationships. The person can feel their feelings and emotions from within themselves again.
“I feel like myself again, at last”, they have told me.
There is an enormous nervous system discharge that takes place because being pushed out of your body is incredibly stressful.
When a person comes back into their body, they are able to return to life, accomplish their work with more ease, experience pleasure, and enjoy being alive again.
During the awakening process, you are not meant to feel like you are depersonalized or floating around above your body, no longer existing in relation to your physical form. We are here to awaken consciousness and embody love, and to be as functional as possible as we bring the gifts of who we are, and our awakening, to the world around us. We are meant to do this from within our sacred bodies, generating a holistic vitality that grows as we do.
4 Comments
Thanks for describing this so clearly Myree:) intuitively I have always known I experienced this and what is was, but reading it like this makes it even more real for me. For almost a year during my awakening I felt completely out of my body, it was such a scary, exhausting, frustrating and lonely experience. It started with a blow out and out of body experience where I saw myself floating in space. I literally was not able to come back into myself. Luckily a combination of events which all happened during a period of two weeks helped me ground. I met an acupuncturist who treated me, an energy healer who supported me, I followed your healer challenge and had major soul retrieval there and a met a “twin flame” . All these events happening in such a short period and put me back into my body, the biggest relief ever. Thanks for giving words to these experiences. With love
Oh Eline, I am so touched that this was so supportive for you. Thank you for sharing about your experience of Kundalini driven de-personalisation, it can be very lonely and isolating on top of feeling so strange and disconnected.
I am so happy this combination of positive and aligned events shifted you back inside, soul retrieval is big medicine, and then even more goodness to anchor you here.
My heart swells and sends love and gratitude,
Big love,
Myree x
Hi Myree,
This experience of being Blown out was exactly what I experienced. Thanks for writing about it. I felt so much shame for years because I didn’t feel connected to my body or my emotions. I felt out of sync with life around me.
Now I feel so much better. After a deep meditation, I can sometimes feel beyond myself but it feels integrated with Shanti’s journey.
I really appreciate the blogs, thank you. I always learn so much.
Love Susan
Dearest Susan,
Thank you for your beautiful comment and I am so glad this was helpful. I am so sorry for how challenging your blow out was, that state of frozenness too that comes with the depersonalisation.
You have done such a magnificent and magical transformation of your Kundalini, it brings me such joy to see and feel this. You are living now the polar opposite of the blow out, being deeply IN life as awareness.
So joyous for you!
Sending big love,
Myree x